


to know well enough

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Drabble, Gen, Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, implied PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 02:49:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14728542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Peter Parker lies to himself and others after Homecoming.





	to know well enough

One thing in particular that has been hard to deal with after homecoming is PE. It’s stupid, honestly. You weren’t afraid of someone spiking a volleyball or a kickball heading in your direction before. That’s not really to say you were amazing at any of the two sports either, but you used to display at least some decency at it. Now, though, you can’t help but flinch back from a ball, and if you’re not doing that then you find yourself frozen in place.

You try not to let it bother you so much, and you don’t see a reason to think to deep into it. Everything that happened before and during homecoming was pretty hectic, so you reason that nothing’s really wrong. You’re just going through a big phase of adjusting back to being Peter Parker, and alternatively Queens’ friendly neighborhood Spiderman.

-

But even while you try to convince yourself of that, really believing it is so much harder than repeating an excuse in your head. You can still clearly remember the crushing weight of the cement over you, the pain permeating throughout every single inch of your body. You can remember sobbing, screaming, trying to get your legs to move, hoping someone would be around to help. Anybody. In the end, though, all you had was yourself. Maybe that’s why you feel so intent on getting over this problem alone, too.

This new hurdle feels a lot more permanent, because it’s not physical strength that’s going to get you over it - it’s. Well. You’re not even sure how to get over this. The memory seeps back into your mind in more ways than one: there’s the occasional nightmare, the PE activities. You think, despite being a really, really horrible liar, that Aunt May doesn’t suspect too much about the nightmares. When you were recounting everything about being Spiderman to her, you tried your wholehearted best to omit anything too bad.

Feeling anxious in volleyball, or PE in general, is sort of manageable. It’s only a matter of time until Ned or even MJ ask about what’s actually going on with you. You always try to chalk it up to being nervous about an upcoming test or lack of sleep the night before. MJ isn’t really falling for the nerves thing, but then again you’re still kind of distant with her. She usually rolls her eyes when you blame anything on academics and sneers “Alright, boy genius.”

-

Sometimes, you like to imagine not having to manage the memories or hide your thoughts away. Mr. Stark might be good to go to, since for once you’re actually not on the worst terms with him anymore. Plus, he probably knows a thing or two about superhero trauma. Aunt May also wouldn’t be a bad choice, but you’re sure you worry her enough as it is. You think telling her ‘ _oh! I forgot to tell you, I was under a collapsed building for what felt like a millenia and sometimes it still haunts me_ '. might not be so good for her heart. Ned is definitely someone who’ll always be there for you, and now you could even consider telling MJ, but it feels so much easier to keep things to yourself. After all, it’s better that whatever damage you feel isn’t collateral.

**Author's Note:**

> hey this is the first time i've posted any of my work, so if you have any comments feel free to leave something for me! i just watched homecoming on putlocker and i'm completely in love with tom holland's spiderman, so there might be more of this. this is really just a little peter with ptsd character analysis, because i imagine getting temporarily buried with cement would scar anyone.
> 
> also my twitter's @colouramiga in case anyone ever wants to talk homecoming headcanons etc ^^


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